Men, after more than six months of online dating, I can tell you that there are a lot of “don’ts” many of you do. Avoiding these no-nos will ensure a more satisfying dating life in the New Year, and also save us women a lot of frustration in 2016.
1. Don’t keep texting back and forth endlessly without making an actual date.
The majority of men I encountered in my many months on Tinder and Bumble (just like Tinder, but the woman has to contact the man first and within 24 hours – basically Bumble is Tinder in bee’s clothing) wanted to chat back and forth through the app without setting up an actual date. And an actual date means a day, time and specific location. (I’ll elaborate on this next week in my New Year’s Online Dating Tips for Women, because ladies, a day is not a date.)
2. Don’t keep texting once you’ve made a date.
Once you’ve made a date, meaning you’ve agreed upon a day, time and specific location to meet (and that specific location should not be the woman’s apartment, as much as you’d like to suggest it and therefore avoid the effort and expense of actually taking the woman somewhere and waiting for sex, which I’ll get to in a minute), STOP TEXTING. That’s right: STOP! Just STOP! For some reason, this seems incredibly hard for many men. It’s like once you connect on the app, they want to keep chatting mindlessly, bantering and sending completely pointless texts like “Good morning. Hope you slept well.” BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET. NO, Men, no! Save the banter for the date. Then you can wow her with how witty you are in person. Not to mention that you don’t want to use up all your basic getting to know you questions over text and meet already knowing where she’s from, where she went to school, how many siblings she has, etc. and end up staring into your cocktail or coffee with nothing to say.
3. Don’t keep asking asking her to send you more pictures.
Do you really need more pics when there are already five to eight in her profile, depending upon which app you’re on? Yet many men keep requesting more and more pics, especially selfies. And asking repeatedly for more full body shots sends one of two messages, both of which are equally off-putting: 1) I’m worried you’re fat. 2) I’m really just on here for sex so I need to have as clear an idea as possible of exactly what your body looks like.
4. Don’t send YouTube videos to a woman you haven’t met.
This one seems so obvious, yet some guys seem to think that links to videos on YouTube are their own form of witty banter. True story: My profile mentions that I grow my own vegetables. A guy I matched with sent me this perplexing message: I hope you don’t abuse any of the vegetables you grow. What? It was followed by a link to a YouTube video. When I clicked on it, it showed an animated cucumber escaping from a woman’s bed, slithering through the house and finally hiding under a pizza in the fridge, followed by this message: Stop vegetable abuse, followed by a picture of a silver dildo on a platter. It was an ad for sex toys! How a man I’d never met thought it was possibly funny or a good idea to send me a dildo ad before we’d even scheduled a date, I have no idea, but needless to say, I immediately blocked him.
5. Don’t use dating apps as your free sex service. If you just want sex, call a prostitute.
While many men justify their utterly disrespectful behavior by saying Tinder and other dating apps are “hookup apps; everyone knows that,” dating apps are NOT a free sex service, and if you don’t want to be a raging misogynist, don’t treat the women you meet like pieces of meat you just want to get liquored up as soon as possible, then lunge at like an uncaged animal. After numerous dates, I observed a pattern: the men tried to get me to order as many drinks as possible, then tried to get me to take them back to my place. When I didn’t, they never called me again. (And even in an occasional instance of impaired judgment when I did, they still never called me again.) Over the months I was on the apps, I modified my profile to make it clear I’m looking for a lasting relationship only. Yet I would still get messages saying things like I know you’re looking for a relationship, but are you open to a fling? This same question asker went on to try to make plans, asking what time I was free. When I asked, “For what, exactly?” he responded For me to come over and ravish you. Seriously? I’m not a whore, nor am I looking to be hurt in my apartment by a stranger from the Internet. I think it’s safe to assume that the same goes for almost all of the other women online.
I also got a lot of messages saying things like I’m just on here to have fun/get laid, so don’t want to waste your time. I could respect their honesty, but if you just want to get laid, guys, call an escort. There’s a reason it’s called the oldest profession in the world. Just providing a man with sex is a job, not dating.