Manage Your Expectations

You’re probably thinking you know what happens next: I have this one night of incredible passion with the WRF, and then he disappears. Because that’s what guys like him do, right?

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God knows he didn’t have room for anyone else in his life and couldn’t handle the responsibilities he already had. He was out of work with three kids to support and should be spending his time looking for gainful employment so that he could provide for his families and be able to move out of his parents’ place and regain his independence. Right?

But he was not only on Tinder, where we met, but on okcupid and Plenty of Fish. He was on three dating sites. Yes, they were all free, but reeling in potential dates with your pictures and witty banter takes more time and effort than you’d think, especially on multiple venues. The point is, well yes, the WRF’s priorities were all fakakta, But more than that, he did not disappear after that first night. In fact, we spent five nights together in the two weeks after we met.

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It was fast, and super intense, and the best sex I’d ever had, which is saying something. And believe me, we didn’t pretend the situation wasn’t what it was. We had frequent discussions about how it could never go anywhere between us because we were at two different places in life and the WRF couldn’t give me what I really want, which he was well aware of. Not hot conversation, but better to be real than get caught up in some cockamamie romantic fantasy and not see the guy for who he is. I certainly had enough experience doing that in the past 40 years to last me the next 40 years.

So I took the WRF for what he was, and he continued to read me Neruda’s sonnets every time we saw each other, each time improving upon Tapscott’s translation with his own interpretation.

Was I being crazy? Or just plain stupid? Why would I keep seeing this guy who I knew full well could give me nothing, absolutely nothing, in the long run? I was beyond ready to get married and have a real partner, an equal, someone I could build a life with, whether or not we started a family. The WRF already had more family than he could handle. He only saw his son once a year, which I thought was incredibly sad and also spoke very poorly of who the WRF was. If I thought about all of that too much, it might be hard to be attracted to him. And I am a thinker.

It probably sounds simplistic, and naïve, but every time we were together, I had so much fun and felt so happy, I just wanted to keep feeling that way. As long as I managed my expectations, I wouldn’t get hurt.

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